There’s a quiet weight many of us carry — one we rarely question.

It sounds like:

• “I should be further along by now.”

• “I should take the job offer — even if I don’t want it.”

• “I should use my degree.”

These aren’t neutral thoughts. They’re inherited scripts — stories passed down from family, school, industry norms, and even strangers on the internet.

They’re what I call “the shoulds.”
And left unchecked, they can guide your career more than your own desires.

This post is about recognizing those scripts — and choosing your own.

Why “The Shoulds” Are So Sneaky

Most of us were taught to follow a certain path:

• Study hard

• Choose a stable career

• Climb the ladder

• Don’t make waves

These beliefs were usually meant to keep us safe — financially, socially, and emotionally. But safety doesn’t always equal satisfaction.

At some point, those inherited expectations start to clash with your internal compass. That’s when confusion sets in.

Do I want this… or do I just think I’m supposed to?

This is where clarity begins — with curiosity.

Objective: Create Space Between “Should” and Self

Over the next few weeks, your goal is to notice:

• Which expectations are externally imposed

• How they influence your inner dialogue

• And what you truly want, when those voices quiet down

You’re not being asked to reject everything. Just to pause. Question. And decide for yourself what fits — and what doesn’t.

Exercise: Track the Shoulds and Redefine Your Career Narrative

This is a journaling and awareness practice. You can do it daily, weekly, or whenever you feel stuck or unsure.

Step 1: Notice External Judgments

Write down the things people have said or implied about your career — past or present. These could be direct comments, social media norms, or even cultural expectations.

Examples:

• “My mom thinks I’d make a great consultant.”

• “My friends don’t take HR seriously.”

• “Everyone says I should join a startup right now.”

• “There’s pressure to use my law degree traditionally.”

No judgment here — just observation.

Step 2: Identify What Hits Hardest

Now ask:

• Which of these comments actually impact me?

• Are there specific people whose opinions I take as truth?

• Where do I feel the most internal resistance or guilt?

This is where the inner critic often lives. Gently shine a light on it.

Step 3: Ask What You Want

This is the heart of the practice.
Sit with this question:

“If I put aside all external expectations — what career path would I actually explore?”

• What’s always sparked your curiosity?

• What do you admire in other people’s work?

• What did you love doing before “real life” took over?

Even if it sounds unrealistic or unconventional — write it down.

Step 4: Reflect on the Gap

Look at the difference between what others expect from you… and what you want for yourself.

What’s one small step you could take toward your version?

Maybe it’s:

• Taking a class

• Talking to someone in that field

• Rewriting your LinkedIn summary from your own perspective

You don’t need to burn it all down. Just start somewhere honest.

Step 5: Discuss or Share (Optional)

Talk this through with someone you trust — a mentor, a coach, a friend who gets it.

You can also reflect on:

• How external voices have shaped your past decisions

• What shifted when you started aligning with your own voice

• What you want more of, going forward

Naming it out loud often brings more clarity than thinking alone.

Why This Matters

When we live from “should,” we:

• Burn out faster

• Second-guess our instincts

• Feel disconnected from our own work

But when we live from truth — even imperfectly — we build careers that nourish instead of drain us.

Clarity isn’t found by asking others what you should do.
It’s found by asking: “What feels most true to me right now?”

A Gentle Reminder

You’re allowed to outgrow the path you started on.
You’re allowed to want different things from your parent.
You’re allowed to define success for yourself.

This exercise is your permission slip.

A Practice to Try This Week

The “Shoulds” Journal Prompt

1. List 3 career-related “should” statements you’ve internalized

2. Under each one, write where it came from (family, school, society, etc.)

3. Ask: Do I actually believe this? Or have I just never questioned it?

4. Write one sentence of your own truth — even if it scares you

You can start rewriting your story from there.