Some people just don’t like it when they hear “no.”

Especially if they’re used to getting their way.

When you set a boundary with them, it doesn’t just surprise them—it threatens them.

They feel like something is being taken away. Power. Control. Access.

And sometimes they react with anger, manipulation, or withdrawal.

But that doesn’t mean you’re doing anything wrong.

It means your boundary worked.

Here’s what I’ve learned:

Setting a boundary isn’t about being mean.

It’s about being clear.

And people who rely on control, approval, or emotional volatility won’t like it when they realize they can’t push you around the way they used to.

If someone gets angry after you calmly say what you need—it’s not your job to fix that.

It’s not your job to smooth it over.

It’s not your job to react at all.

You don’t need to rescue them.

You don’t need to defend yourself.

You don’t need to perform empathy while they spiral.

Let them cool off.

Let them feel what they feel.

And don’t make their emotional reaction your cue to fold.

What I would tell my younger self:

• When someone reacts emotionally to your boundary, don’t fight. Don’t retreat. Don’t match their tone. Let space do its work.
• You can say: “I understand you’re upset. Let’s talk tomorrow when we’re both clear.”
• Calm is power. It’s not cold—it’s grounded.
• Don’t let someone else’s anger decide your next move. That’s how people without boundaries get manipulated.
• It’s okay to wait to communicate. You don’t need to explain your boundary in the moment if it doesn’t feel safe.
• You’re not here to be liked. You’re here to be real.

Sometimes people aren’t trying to control you… They’re just surprised.

People don’t like sudden changes in behavior.

If you used to answer every text, call, or emotional cue with availability, and now you don’t—they’ll feel it.

They might lash out. Or act confused. Or guilt-trip you.

It doesn’t mean you were wrong to change.

It just means you’re no longer available for dynamics that drained you.

You don’t owe instant responses to texts, emails, or expectations.

Just because the phone rings, the doorbell chimes, or the message dings—that doesn’t mean you have to answer.

Permission granted to ignore it. To let things sit. To move at your pace.

Let people adjust to the new you. The real you.

When I come home after being with others, I say this:

“I am not responsible for anyone else’s energy.”

“I release any energy that’s not mine—known or unknown.”

“I call back what I’ve given away—especially the parts I didn’t mean to.”

This is part of the reset.

Boundaries aren’t just words. They’re energetic.

They’re how you show up. How you protect your capacity. How you refuse to let old patterns play out on loop.

What I’m practicing now:

1. Love with boundaries is still love. You don’t have to be harsh to be clear. You can say what you need without being cold, critical, or reactive. Calm doesn’t mean disconnected—it means embodied.
2. My energy comes first. Always. Even if I care. Even if I want them to see me. Even if I hope they love me back. If I need to rest, I’ll rest. If I need to work, I’ll work. That’s why I need to live alone for a while—to get clear on what’s mine.
3. It’s better to be alone than feel empty with someone. I’ve done enough inner work to stop accepting half-hearted connections. I’m no longer available for relationships that drain me or make me question my worth.
4. Slow down. Reset the pace. I don’t need to keep up with anything. Not the old version of me. Not other people’s expectations. I like nature. I like quiet. I like being with people who are calm, grounded, and present. That’s my rhythm now.
5. Don’t rush into intimacy. Even if it feels good. Even if the chemistry is real. If I’m not sure about someone, I’m allowed to wait. I don’t owe my heart to people who haven’t shown me theirs.
6. Let the past go. Especially with Alex. I’ve processed it. I’ve cried over it. I’ve blamed myself enough. I learned. I changed. I let go. That chapter is closed.

Dating and Relationships:

• I won’t tolerate relationships where I don’t feel emotionally safe.
• Even if someone feels “perfect,” if their behavior feels off, that’s a no.
• I don’t want to prove anything to anyone anymore.
• I want love that’s mutual, nourishing, and peaceful—not one I have to fight for.

Friends & Energy:

I’ve changed.

And it’s obvious.

I don’t chase friendships. I don’t fill the silence with people who don’t respect me.

I don’t make space for people who drain me and call it a connection.

I saw this clearly with Yulia. I gave, supported, and held space—and then she blew up on me in public.

That was my turning point.

No more holding emotional space for people who won’t hold space for me.

Same with Aldo.

I realized I was doing emotional labor that wasn’t mine to carry.

Maybe that was a mirror to how I was with Alex—asking him to hold what I couldn’t carry myself.

I see that now.

So I’m choosing differently.

Moving Forward: My Rules

• Stay grounded when people are emotional.
• Don’t rush to fix it—let space teach you who’s capable of respect.
• Let people show you who they are. And believe them.
• Don’t fantasize about what could be—watch how they act, how they show up.
• Ask real questions about the future. Do they have the values, capacity, and emotional maturity to meet you?
• If not, walk away calmly.
• You don’t have to explain your worth anymore.