Whether you’re a coach, a friend, or someone people naturally open up to

Over the years, I’ve learned that most people aren’t looking for advice.

They just want someone to sit with them.

Someone who listens, really listens—not with the intent to fix, but with the patience to stay with what’s real.

Holding space is something anyone can learn to do. You don’t have to be a professional. You just have to be present. Curious. Willing to be with someone in their mess without rushing to clean it up.

You’re a Guide, Not a Fixer

The way I see it, this is your role:

• Witness – Stay with the person and let them feel what they’re feeling
• Mirror – Repeat what you hear so they can actually hear themselves
• Channel – If something comes through (a sentence, image, or phrase), share it gently
• Supporter – Remind them that they already know. You’re just helping them remember
• Guide – If it feels right, offer a tool or a next step

You don’t need to follow a coaching textbook. You just need to be real. That’s what people remember. That’s what helps them feel safe.

How I Hold Space in Sessions (Or Conversations)

Here’s a rhythm I come back to, whether I’m in a session or just talking to a friend who needs support.

Start by grounding

It’s easy to go straight into a story or problem, but slowing down first changes the tone.

Sometimes I’ll say:

“Let’s take a breath and just land for a second.”

We’ll pause, close our eyes, and maybe do a quick body scan. A few minutes is enough.

Ask simple questions

Instead of diving into the story, I ask things like:

• “What’s present for you right now?”
• “How’s your energy today—from 0 to 10?”
• “Where are you holding this in your body?”

If they’re open to it, we tune into a body part and ask what it needs. This builds awareness without forcing anything.

Follow the thread

This is where most of the session flows. I ask, reflect, and stay curious.

Sometimes I’ll say:

• “That sounds like an old belief—does that feel true?”
• “Your voice changed when you mentioned that. Want to explore it?”
• “What do you think that part of you needs right now?”

If I get a clear insight or visual, I’ll offer it gently. Not as truth—just something to check in with.

It’s not about giving advice. It’s about helping them hear themselves more clearly.

Offer a tool (only if it feels right)

Depending on what’s come up, I might share something practical.

This could be:

• A breath practice
• A journaling question
• A visualization
• An acupressure point
• A reframe
• A pattern I’ve noticed from Human Design, Enneagram, or TCM

Only offer what feels natural in the moment. There’s no need to fill space just to say something.

Close with a small check-in

Before ending, I usually ask:

• “What are you taking from this?”
• “Is there one thing you want to carry into your week?”
• “What kind of support would feel good right now?”

Sometimes I’ll end with:

“Place your hand on your heart. Can you thank yourself for showing up today?”

It’s simple. But it lands.

The Tools Don’t Matter As Much As the Energy You Bring

You don’t need to use all the tools. Just use what feels honest.

I usually lean on things like:

• Parts work – “Sounds like one part of you wants to stay safe, and another wants to move forward.”
• Body awareness – “Where do you feel that in your body right now?”
• Energy cues – Watching where their energy drops or brightens
• Spiritual guidance – Sometimes I’ll share a phrase that comes through, or a sense of what’s underneath it all
• Systems – If it’s helpful, I’ll bring in Human Design, Enneagram, or Traditional Chinese Medicine

This Is Why It Matters

A lot of people are tired of only talking about their problems.

They don’t want to be stuck in the past forever, and they don’t want to be treated like something’s wrong with them.

They want to feel more like themselves again. They want to move forward. They want to reconnect with their own clarity.

That’s where this kind of space is powerful. It’s not about fixing someone’s life. It’s about walking with them as they figure it out.

You offer more than advice.

You offer a relationship.

And that kind of support can’t be replicated by a chatbot or copied from a script.

When someone chooses to work with you—or confide in you—they’re choosing trust.

They’re choosing to be seen.

And that’s something you can’t fake.

You don’t need to have all the answers.

You just need to stay present. Listen deeply. And reflect them back to themselves.

That’s what holding space really means. And that’s enough.