The hardest lesson I had to learn as a PM

I didn’t start out in Product in the traditional way.

I found my way here through entrepreneurship. I had built a company.

I had been in charge of everything—so I assumed that’s what being a PM meant too.

I thought PMs made the calls.

That we were the “mini-CEOs,” like everyone kept saying.

And honestly? That idea really messed me up.

Because here’s the truth:

You are expected to be a leader.

You do have autonomy.

But you don’t have direct authority over anyone.

You don’t manage engineers, or designers, or stakeholders.

You don’t get to “make” anyone do anything.

You have to lead through influence.

And that is one of the hardest—but most important—skills to build as a PM.

The Truth About Influence

Let’s get one thing straight:

• You can’t make people listen. You have to earn their trust. And the way you do that is by showing up consistently, knowing your product inside and out, and making good calls again and again.
• You can’t make people do things. You have to explain why it matters—to the product, to the business, to the customer, and even to them personally.
• You can’t always show up with last-minute asks. You have to learn to prioritize clearly and help others understand what’s most impactful.
• You can’t have the final say on everything. You have to bring people together—leadership, engineering, design, marketing, ops—and help everyone align on the direction forward.
• You can’t make all the decisions. You need to weigh tradeoffs, listen deeply to different perspectives, and facilitate shared clarity.
• You can’t take it personally. You’re not here to be right. You’re here to make the best decision for your users and your company.

So… how do you actually build influence?

Influence isn’t magic.

It’s earned.

And it’s built over time by how you show up and how people experience working with you.

People follow you because:

• They feel heard
• They understand the why
• They believe it’s the right tradeoff
• They see it’s the best path for the user
• They’re inspired
• They’re respected
• They trust your judgment

And more than anything—because they know you’re not doing it for ego or credit.

You’re doing it for the collective win.

What You Need to Practice

Here’s what I’ve learned that helps the most:

1. Establish credibility: Know your stuff. Be solid on your numbers, user insights, product performance, and edge cases.
2. Develop a shared vision: Let go of needing it to be “your idea.” If the team buys in, it’s already a win.
3. Build real relationships: People work better with people they trust. Talk to your teammates like actual humans.
4. Set up the right processes: Don’t wing it. Build a structure around how decisions get made, how updates are shared, and how people give input.
5. Use collaborative writing: Writing clears the fog. It also creates alignment without needing 5 meetings.
6. Make decisions clear: Always be clear on how decisions are being made, by who, and why.
7. Balance advocacy with listening: Fight for what matters, but also stay open to what others see that you don’t.

And remember…

In a big company, influence looks different than in a startup.

• At a small company, you might just need to get your trifecta on board—your designer, your engineer, your PMM.
• At a larger org, it’s layers. You’re aligning cross-functional teams, senior stakeholders, and company leadership.

But in both cases, the same rules apply:

Trust first. Communication second. Influence always. 💪🏽