I was thinking today about one of the biggest drains on my energy.

And I realized—there’s one thing that takes it almost instantly.

Not work.

Not decisions.

Not other people.

Fear.

Not loud panic-type fear.

The kind that sneaks in quietly.

The kind that shows up in the background of your thoughts.

That lives in your body and keeps you from moving forward.

That pulls you into circling thought patterns.

And by the time you realize what’s happening, you’re already drained.

In this post, I want to share a few things:

• How to actually identify fear—especially the kind you don’t notice right away
• Where it comes from—internal and external
• Why does it show up, especially when we’re thinking about the past or the future
• What to do about it—a method I use that works with both the heart and the mind

A story

I was talking to a friend the other day.

It was supposed to be a normal conversation.

Just a life update.

I told her I was thinking of starting something new.

And she immediately launched into how bad things are going to go.

She told me how many people have tried and failed.

How hard it is to succeed.

How saturated that space is.

She just kept going.

At first, I brushed it off.

But after the conversation, something felt weird.

I felt uncomfortable.

A little anxious.

And I couldn’t tell where it was coming from.

I wasn’t upset at her.

But something had shifted.

On my walk home, I realized:

My energy was completely drained.

I felt small.

And stuck.

And suddenly unsure of something I’d felt really clear on just hours before.

And the cause of it?

Fear.

Fear can come from two places

This moment helped me understand that fear isn’t just internal.

It can also come from the outside.

And if you don’t name it, you’ll carry it like it’s yours.

1. Internal fear

Internal fear is the kind that comes from your own mind.

It’s probably the one you know best.

It’s what happens when you try to record a video and suddenly freeze.

Or when you’re about to do a presentation and start spiraling.

Or when you have a new idea and immediately start doubting it.

It shows up as thoughts like:

• “I really don’t think it’s a good idea to do this.”
• “You’re going to keep applying for jobs, but nothing’s going to happen.”
• “There’s no point. You’ll just get rejected again.”

You might not even realize it’s fear.

It shows up as overthinking.

Circling.

Delaying.

You’re in a pot like a little frog.

And the fearful thoughts are slowly turning up the heat.

At first, it feels fine.

Then it’s boiling.

And now you’re cooked.

That’s what internal fear feels like.

And when you don’t name it—it runs the whole day.

2. External fear

This is the one that’s harder to catch.

Because fear is everywhere.

You wake up and open your phone.

Instagram. Google News. Twitter.

The world is burning.

The economy is crashing.

AI is taking your job.

There’s a war. A crisis. Another one. And another one.

Then you go to work.

And people are scared, too.

Not always directly—but in the way they talk.

• “Are you sure this will work?”
• “What happens if this fails?”
• “What if leadership cuts this before we even launch?”

Businesses have entire departments built around mitigating risk.

Everything is optimized to avoid loss.

And then you go home.

And maybe your kids, partner, or friends are also speaking from fear.

Talking about the future like it’s already failing.

It’s everywhere.

And the problem is—your system picks it up.

And you start to think the fear is yours.

But it’s not.

Where does the fear actually come from?

Once I realize fear is there, I ask myself—What triggered it?

Is this fear from something that already happened?

Or something I think might happen?

➡️ Fear from the past

A lot of fear comes from failure.

Not just big failure—small moments too.

• The job you didn’t get.
• The launch that didn’t go well.
• The time you were excited about something, and it flopped.

Even if it’s over, your body remembers.

Your brain holds on and says, “Let’s never do that again.”

So when something similar shows up, you start pulling back.

• “What if this ends the same way?”
• “I don’t want to feel that again.”
• “Maybe it’s safer to wait.”

And you convince yourself that fear is wisdom.

But it’s not.

It’s just an outdated protection mechanism.

➡️ Fear from the future

This is the other side.

You have big expectations for yourself.

You want something.

You dream of something better.

But you don’t know how to get there yet.

And the gap between here and there feels impossible.

So fear fills in the space.

• “There’s no way I can pull that off.”
• “What if I try and it all falls apart?”
• “I’m not even qualified for that.”
• “People like me don’t get to have that.”

And sometimes, people around you reinforce that without realizing it.

They hear your idea and say, “That’s a little unrealistic.”

Or, “Are you sure?”

Or, “I don’t know if that makes sense right now.”

And you start to believe it.

You start adjusting your dream to make it more comfortable.

And shrinking something that mattered to you.

What I do now: The heart and mind method

Once I realize fear is in my system—whether from me or someone else—I use this.

It’s simple. But it helps.

Step 1: Calm the mind

I ask myself:

👉🏽 What’s the worst thing that could happen?

👉🏽 Why am I actually afraid?

👉🏽 Is there any evidence that this is true?

👉🏽 What would I do if it did happen?

Sometimes I write it all down.

Every single risk.

And how I’d respond to it.

This is something I used to do at work as a product manager.

Before we launched anything new, we’d map out all the risks:

• What if users hate it?
• What if legal blocks us?
• What if something goes wrong?

We wrote out every scenario.

And how we’d handle it.

And most of the time—none of it happened.

But the exercise helped us feel ready.

So we could stop overthinking and move forward.

It’s the same thing here.

Fear loses power when it’s written down.

Step 2: Sit with the heart

Then I ask—how do I feel?

If I created the fear, I let myself feel it.

I sit with it.

Sometimes I cry.

Sometimes I just need to name it and breathe.

If someone else passed it onto me, I ask—do I actually believe what they said?

Do I want to carry this?

Sometimes I don’t.

Sometimes, I realize I was just trying to keep the peace by agreeing with someone else’s fear.

Even when it didn’t match what I believed.

That’s when I come back to myself.

And ask:

Is this still something I want to do?

Does it still feel true to me?

If the answer is yes—then I let that be enough to take the next step.

If you’re feeling off

If you’ve been feeling tired, unclear, or stuck lately, check in.

Is fear running in the background?

Ask yourself:

• Where is this coming from?
• Is it mine?
• Is it from something that already happened—or something I’m afraid might happen?
• What would happen if I moved anyway?

You don’t have to feel brave to move.

You just have to stop letting fear decide for you.

That’s what I’m practicing too.