I was raised to be a good person.

Russian. Soviet. Christian values.

Maybe you were raised the same way…

👉🏽 You put others first.

👉🏽 You bring gifts when you visit.

👉🏽 You help a friend without being asked.

👉🏽 You treat others how you want to be treated.

And for most of my life, I genuinely believed external actions were the only thing that mattered…until I started looking deeper.

I thought—I’ve cleared so many of my old patterns. I’m not reactive. I’ve done the work.

But the deeper I looked into my own mind

And all of the thoughts are constantly running around.

The more I saw something I didn’t want to admit.

Even if we’re kind, generous, supportive on the surface…

We still might be sending energy that erodes relationships.

Not with our words.

But with our thoughts.

The Three “Evils” We Rarely Talk About

This is hard to say.

Because no one wants to admit they think like this.

Especially not the sensitive ones.

The healers. The helpers. The people pleasers. The ones who pride themselves on harmony.

But the more I slowed down—especially here in Peru, where I’ve been living more intentionally—t

The more I can see!

There are three types of energy I found myself unconsciously directing at others:

• Jealousy
• Negativity
• Criticism

And I had to ask myself—where are they coming from?

• Sometimes they came from insecurity.
• Sometimes they came from perfectionism.
• And sometimes… they just appeared, like smoke from a fire I didn’t realize was still burning.

I Thought I Was Just Overthinking

At first, I thought I was just overthinking.

I’ve always had a hyperactive mind—observing, analyzing, and noticing everything. It’s helped me survive, helped me build, helped me create.

But it also exhausted me.

So I started treating my mind like an instrument, not a master.

Like my heart or my hands—something to work with, not something to obey.

And in that process, I started to watch it.

Just like all of the meditation gurus teach, but just in real, waking life.

A Practice That Changed Everything

Try this. Just for an hour. Or a full day if you’re brave:

Observe your thoughts in real time.

No judgment. Just pay attention.

When you’re:

• Cooking dinner
• Talking to your partner
• Lying in bed
• Scrolling Instagram
• Watching your roommate leave dishes in the sink

Ask yourself:

• What energy am I actually sending right now?
• What silent judgment just passed through me?
• What assumptions am I making?

And notice if you get the following come up:

1. Subtle jealousy, you brush off
2. Unconscious, or unintentional, negative thoughts
3. Criticism of people’s actions — small or bit

Subtle Examples From Real Life…

Here are some of the thoughts you might be having to demonstrate this:

• Your partner walks in. The dishes are still in the sink. “Why doesn’t he just help? I always have to clean.”
• You’re scrolling Instagram and see a friend on a yacht. “Must be nice to have that life.”
• Or you’re scrolling LinkedIn and see someone. “Why are they doing better than me?”
• A coworker speaks in a meeting. “Why do they always have to talk like that?”
• Another coworker is presenting. “Why are they better than me at this?”
• Your roommate is watching a movie, instead of working on their business — again. “Ugh, why are they wasting their potential?”

You might not notice because…

You’re not saying anything out loud.

You’re not being mean.

On the surface, you might actually help your friend, still love your partner,and  admire your coworker.

BUT THOUGHTS ARE REAL. THEY HAVE ENERGY.

Not as directly harmful as actions. But any negative thoughts, especially directed at others — still harm you.

Where These Thoughts Come From

Over time, I started to see clear patterns. Most of these thoughts come from four main places:

1. Your Environment

Sometimes, it’s not you—it’s the environment.

When I worked in fast-paced jobs, I thought I was just reactive because of the people around me. And in some ways, I was.

Sensitive people absorb energy.

Overstimulating jobs and chaotic homes can throw us off-center.

But the key is this: Even if others are triggering you, you’re still responsible for what you do with that energy.

What to do:

• Cleanse your environment
• Build better boundaries
• Leave if you need to

But don’t keep sending energetic daggers while staying in the situation

2. Your Insecurities

Let’s be real. Sometimes we get jealous because we don’t have what we want.

We haven’t met our own expectations.

So other achieving what we want — triggers us.

Marriage. Kids. Success. Beauty. Ease.

You’re scrolling Instagram or LinkedIn, and you feel that little pang:

“Why do they get everything I want?”

You don’t say it. But the thought is there.

This isn’t about being a bad person. It’s about being honest with yourself.

What to do:

• Limit your exposure to things that trigger comparison
• Put down LinkedIn and Instagram for a bit. Or only follow people who inspire you.
• Ask what the jealousy is pointing to—what do you want but don’t feel worthy of?
• Ask where you’re not meeting your own expectations — and either create a plan, or let go of the dream
• Make a list of things in your life that others might envy. It’s humbling. And healing.

3. Your Perfectionism & Demanding of Others

I remember years ago, being in a relationship where I was deeply depressed. I couldn’t clean. I was sleeping all day. My partner used to criticize me, and I’d get furious.

Fast forward: now I’m the one who wakes up early, cleans everything, and runs my life with structure.

And now? If someone doesn’t do the same, I get irritated.

I’ve become the one judging.

We forget that people go through seasons.

Just because someone isn’t in their power now, doesn’t mean they won’t grow.

And just because we’ve grown doesn’t mean we’re better.

What to do:

• Ask: Is this person actually doing harm? Or am I projecting my expectations?
• Remember what someone once judged you for—and how you eventually grew
• Replace criticism with compassion. You were there once, too.

4. Unspoken Truth

Sometimes, your thoughts turn negative because you haven’t spoken up.

It’s not about being judgmental.

It’s about resentment building in the silence.

Maybe your partner never helps with the cleaning.

Maybe your friend always cancels plans.

Maybe your coworker keeps overstepping.

At some point, silence becomes poison.

What to do:

• Check if your thoughts are recurring
• First ask: Is this ask reasonable form the person I’m putting the expectation on? Are they currently capable? Am I overreacting, over-controlling, or being a perfectionist?
• Ask yourself: Have I communicated clearly? Or am I just ruminating on and on?
• Practice loving, direct truth-telling. I’ll write more on this soon.
• And if you can’t speak up yet — write a note, a letter on what’s bothering you.
• If you feel the courage, set the time aside with the person to talk calmly.

5. Even Silent Thoughts Carry Energy

This is the part we don’t talk about enough.

You might be helping someone on the surface, but if your inner voice is saying:

• “Ugh, they’re so stuck.”
• “Why can’t they just grow up?”
• “They’re so lazy.”

…you’re still sending that energy.

And people feel it.

They might not know what it is, but something will feel off.

Especially if you’re someone who sees deeply, feels deeply, and works in healing.

Your inner voice matters. It’s not just about what you say—it’s what you think.

And What’s the Solution?

I’ll write more soon, but the short answer is:

FIRST: SLOWING DOWN

I’m talking about slowing down long enough to choose differently.

Because if we don’t clean up our thoughts, they’ll keep leaking into our lives—into our relationships, our work, our homes, our bodies.

This is your invitation to begin witnessing your mind.

Not to shame it. But to reclaim it.

Being a “good person” isn’t about how you act when others are watching.

It’s about what you’re sending into the atmosphere when no one is.

SECOND: THE ROOT CAUSE AND LOVE

Seeing the negativity of your thoughts. Understanding where they are coming from.

Apply one of the techniques above, but WITH LOVE AND COMPASSION.

Love in the realest sense.

• Love that’s honest.
• Love that lets people be where they are.
• Love that takes responsibility for what it’s projecting.
• Love that understands people go through seasons, cycles, and moods.
• Love that believes everything is fixable, yet sets the right boundaries when needed.

THIRD: CHANGING THE HABIT

Now that you have noticed your thoughts.

You know where they are coming from.

You can switch the negative signal into a positive one.

And even if you can’t talk to the person yet. Or you can’t change yourself fully.

Step 1: You can notice the negative thought

• Oh, I’m being negative
• Oh, I’m being critical
• Oh, I’m jealous

Step 2: And you can replace this thought towards the person with something positive:

• They haven’t done the dishes yet, but they put gas in my car.
• This coworker is great at presenting, possibly because they worked on this skill, and I can to.
• She’s married and found the love of her life; that’s a great example of what I can achieve as well.

Step 3: Send love and light

Psychology stops at “thinking”. So you replace your thoughts — negative with positive.

But energy healing and medicine go a step further.

Once your mind is “clean”.

Drop into your heart.

Since, in your heart — you could still feel, and live with resentment even if you change your thoughts.

Drop into your heart.

Feel your heart open and fill up with light, white, yellow, red, green light — any colors that you love.

Feel the openness and expansion.

Think — I am a being of love and light.

Hold your hands to your heart if it’s easier.

Imagine sending this love, light, and colors to the person you previously sent negative thoughts to…

You can extend your hands forward if you want.